Children will be children
by MLaw
Summary: Napoleon comes to Mark Slates aid. Originally posted on section7mfu, Live Journal,for the Tuesday PicFic challenge. The prompt is a bowl of apples. Pre-saga


Sometimes the things that one encounters as C.E.A. in U.N.C.L.E. headquarters are not what you'd expect.

I was walking down our familiar, dull, drab grey corridors, whistling the theme to 'The Sound of Music,' having taken my date Madeline to see the new movie the night before. Not my sort of film, but it put her in a warm, fuzzy mood perfect for cuddling...and cuddling can lead to other more interesting things, which it did.

As I turned the corner there was a commotion coming from the Commissary and when the doors opened I saw my partner come hurtling out backwards, slamming hard into the wall. It didn't stop Illya as he seemed to be using it as springboard,sending himself flying forward back through the open doors.

By the look on his face he was not trying to illustrate 'Newton's Law of Motion', but what was going on, I had no idea. His expression was somewhere between pissed and determined and that was a state that my Russian friend rarely ever let anyone see but me.

Whoever was going to be on the receiving end of Illya's temper was in big trouble...

It could get interesting, but as C.E.A. I could only let something like this go on for so long before I had to bring a stop to it, so I decided to step inside the commissary to act as sort of an omniscient observer, at least until things got out of hand.

My stubborn partner had already been chastised by the Old Man for brawling, though that was some time ago, and honestly after what the other agent had said to Illya...well the man deserved a good trouncing.

The doors opened silently and I slipped in unnoticed, expecting to see some sort of altercation, but instead I saw Illya standing there juggling four apples in the air, with a satisfied smirk on his face.

What I had mistaken for anger was in fact a sense of purpose on his part. Apparently, he'd made a bet with Mark Slate that he could run out the door to the corridor and get back in time to catch and juggle four apples without missing any as Slate tossed them into the air.

To press his dexterous abilities even further to Mark, Illya was able to take one of the apples out of the pattern, bite into it and continue juggling without missing a beat.

One by one he caught each ruby red orb, holding two in each hand. He kept the one he'd bitten into and put the other three back into a white fruit dish on one of the tables.

"All right Mark pay up," Illya smiled as he held out his hand.

"Cor mate, won't be betting against you again anytime soon. I suppose I should have known better." With that he handed the Russian two ten dollar bills and left the Commissary in a funk.

"So what was this all about?" I asked.

"Oh darling, just a little conspiracy to get Mark to stop betting on things." April smiled as she held out her hand to Illya who promptly gave her one of the ten-spots.

"Conspiracy?" I asked.

"Yes, April dared that I could not run out into the hall and make it back in time to catch and juggle the four apples that Mark would toss to me. That resulted in a twenty dollar bet between Mark and myself."

"Oh so you were in on this together. You already had it set to do this thingy with the apples," I asked suspiciously.

"No not really, I never did it before," Illya smile at me mischievously, as only he could.

"And you bet on that without knowing you could do it? That wasn't too smart..." I laughed for a moment. "My partner wasn't prone to doing things like that."

"Oh that wasn't the real bet," April interrupted, "the bet was ten dollars that Mark wouldn't take the bet... and Illya lost, thank you very much, " she said snapping the bill between her hands."It's all part of the plan to get my dear partner to stop gambling. Care to go for double or nothing Illya?"

"No thank you April, I prefer being ahead for now," my Russian friend said, slipping the remaining ten dollar bill into his wallet.

"And this somehow gets Mark to stop betting? I'm confused on that one," I muttered to myself.

"He will if he keeps losing." April smiled, " This was the fifth time this week and he's beginning to go broke."

"Children will be children, " I said to them as I headed back out the door, going to my office. Then I spotted Slate looking a bit long in the face walking down the corridor and I knew I just had to help him.

"Say Mark," I said." I know how you can win some, if not all of your money back."

"Aw Napoleon, I think I've just about sworn off. I'm skint and couldn't come up with a bloody quid even if I wanted to."

I offered to front the money the money for him.

"And owe you? I don't think so mate, I've been on a bad losing streak."

That's when I told him April was scamming him.

"My April...my partner. No way."

"Oh yes my friend," I said, winking at him, "She and Illya were in on the last bet.

"Really well I'll be a son of a..." the Brit swore.

A few hours later, Mark enticed both April and Illya into his office, where he and I had concocted our scheme.

"Mates, I'd like an opportunity to win back all my money of you don't mind?"

Illya and April glanced at each other, disheartened the plan to get Slate to swear off betting had obviously failed.

"I thought you were broke dear?" April spoke up.

"Not quite luv. Now here's my wager. I'll bet you a dozen paper clips can be flicked in a row into this ashtray." He pointed to a simple crystal one on his desk.

Illya immediately recognized it as the one from our office, and I could see he was becoming suspicious. His eyebrows rose, and I was guessing, him being stuck between a rock and a hard place; he would have no choice but to take on the bet, since he'd been the one fronting the scam for April, and needed to keep up appearances.

"I'll take that bet," April laughed, knowing her partner's accuracy was not always the best."And you Illya, you joining in?"

I watched as Illya bit his lower lip, looking at me.. He knew this was not going to go well.

"Fine, I am in."

The dollar amounts of the bet were settled, leaving Slate smiling, as it was substantial and he'd recoup all the money he'd lost the past week, along with a little bonus for me.

"All right Mark darling, fire away." April leaned against her desk, folding her arms in front of her.

"Oh, I didn't say it was me going to do it. Napoleon has the honors."

"I knew it!" Illya blurted out."This is a set up!"

"Fair play," Mark grinned.

They all watched as I stepped up to the desk, and one by one each paper clip landed squarely in the ashtray….though there was one that caught on the edge and teetered precariously before falling in. It was close, and this time I caught the gold ring, so to speak.

"Napoleon didn't miss a one! "Mark hollered out.

"Time to pay up you wank…"Mark stopped himself. "Blokes." He held out his hand as both April and Illya counted out their money to him.

"Lesson learned?" I asked and told them no more betting money.

The three guilty parties nodded to me without saying another word.

With that I announced that there was a poker game starting up in Security in about fifteen minutes, and asked if anyone cared to join me.

"I thought you said no more betting?" Illya asked.

I said no more betting 'money and that we were playing with paper clips…

"Oh in that case guv, I'm in. I have boxes of paper clips to spare," Mark laughed.

"And you two?" I asked.

"I ummm, have paperwork to do," Illya said, rolling his eyes at me as he walked away.

"April?" I looked to her.

"I have an appointment to get my nails done, sorry."

Both of them made a quick exit...

"Guess they can dish it out but can't take it mate," Mark grinned satisfactorily as he headed down to Security with me. "Looks like they're the ones swearing off gambling, or at least scamming someone."

**_"_**Looks that way," I laughed, satisfied my plan had worked like a charm, as I pocketed the twenty dollar bill Mark had handed me.


End file.
